Are you reacting or responding?

We’ve all been there. Wishing we had a do-over for how we handled a situation at work. We couldn’t come up with the words in the moment we thought of later. We didn’t fully think through how our actions would impact someone else. We wish we would have said or done something different, after we’ve had some time to reflect.

In those moments, we are living the difference between reacting and responding. While the distinction may seem to be one of semantics, the impact of each couldn’t be more different.

A reaction is based in the moment and doesn’t take into consideration the longer term impact. A reaction is survival-oriented and often a defense mechanism. A response, on the other hand, comes more slowly.  It weighs the long term effects and allows you to stay in line with your core values. Responding allows you to take the situation in and decide the best course of action.

So how do you break the automatic impulse to react? The trick is to know even if you are triggered — and you will be — that you don’t have to act right away. You can notice your reaction in your body and listen to it. There’s valuable information there. Build in space before you respond.

  1. Breathe. Take a few minutes to take some deep breaths, and calm that fight or flight adrenaline.
  2. Pause. One of my mantras is “Don’t respond when emotional.” Step away from pressing send on that email.
  3. Wait for it to pass. The emotion will pass. Sometimes it happens in a few minutes, sometimes it can take more time.
  4. Decide how you want to show up. How you respond is about you. Reacting is about them. What’s your intention for how you want to show up and who you want to be. How is your response in line with that intention and commitment?

There will always be external events that bother us, but if we learn to respond and not just react, we can make things better and not worse.

Amy Varga

Amy Varga

President

Amy Varga is a beloved fundraising trainer, coach and consultant. She and her team at The Varga Group have guided over a hundred nonprofit clients to raise millions of dollars through their services in capital campaign counsel, major gifts training, leadership coaching, and board development projects.

Amy Varga

Amy Varga

President

Amy Varga is a beloved fundraising trainer, coach and consultant. She and her team at The Varga Group have guided over a hundred nonprofit clients to raise millions of dollars through their services in capital campaign counsel, major gifts training, leadership coaching, and board development projects.